4 Answers - (Newest, 6 November 2010)A female
age 26-29, *adameVaile writes:
My husband had an affair 2 years ago, and we worked through issues, the affair ended and life went on.
3 weeks ago we celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary with a vow renewal ceremony, and I noticed after that he started acting very depressed. I questioned him about it and he says he doesn't deserve me, and he doesn't understand how I can stay with him, etc. He has gone to stay with a friend while he resolves his issues of depression/ feeling inadequate, but I don't know what to do. I love him very much, and I forgive him! How do I prove it? How do I help him forgive himself?
View related questions: affair, anniversary, depressed, wedding
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A female reader, natasia 
+, writes (6 November 2010):
Explain that it was enough that he had the affair, and would he please not hurt you now by not believing that you have truly forgiven him. Tell him that if he wants to make it up to you, he can - by being there for you, by being with you, by letting you have the lovely life with him that you want. Tell him that only he can do this, because it is only him that you love. Tell him, you silly bugger, whatever you have done or do, I love and need you, so you aren't allowed to have a crisis. Tell him just to come back, and that you will work it out together. And then book a first counselling session and tell him that he also has to come to counselling - not to talk about you, because you are fine, but to sort out his lingering guilt. I suspect you can't tell him too much that you love him. Remind him that nobody is perfect. A female reader, MadameVaile +, writes (6 November 2010):
MadameVaile is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks. I have timidly suggested counseling, and I will suggest it again because I think you're both right.... the guilt is a "good" punishment but it's overburdening him after 2 years of not talking about it and in turn that hurts me. Thanks again! ............................... A female reader, petina1 +, writes (6 November 2010):
He is full of guilt, and regret. I think it's lovely for him to feel this way. That is punishment in itself. After all these years, he has realized what he has. You may have to reassure him that you must both forget the past because this is putting blot on what y ou could still improve on with your life ahead. He is a very lucky man and he knows it, but he is in danger of destroying what you have now if he doesnt get his act together. Good Luck! ............................... A male reader, Sageoldguy + ?, writes (6 November 2010):
You've already helped him by forgiving him. While you really have nothing to "prove"... go ahead and go the step further and suggest that the two of you attend counselling. If that doesn't help get this behind you, then probably nothing will..... Good luck. ............................... All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft
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